“Do you love yourself?”Is a pretty strong question that most people would automatically answer yes to without thinking twice about it. “Of course I do” we say. It requires no contemplation for most but what about those who can’t find the words “I love myself” in their vocabulary?  At a time like this when the whole world is focusing their attention on romantic love for Valentine’s Day, I think we should spend equal time focusing on the love of ourselves.

I remember a time in my life when I would have answered, “No” to the question of loving myself. I was just a teenager then, lost in the abyss of the unknown. “Who am I and why have I been born?” were the questions in prayer whispered from my lips night after night. Finding out the answers to those questions is a personal journey that everyone must take for themselves. For some, the answers come swiftly. For some the answers come slowly and for some, not at all.

For me, after a bout with depression, repeat thoughts of suicide and over a year too long in an abusive relationship at 17, I learned enough to know who I was NOT and decided who I did not want to be ANYMORE. It was a defining moment in my life that shaped me into the woman I am today. I have no regrets, only thanks and praise for being alive to tell my story. Many of young women never learned to tap their power within and died as a result of domestic violence. As a result, February has been designated National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.

Cited from the National Teen Abuse Helpline, a recent teen survey showed that 1 in 5 teens that have been in a serious relationship report having been hit, slapped or pushed by a partner. Unchecked issues with low self esteem only lead to more destructive behavior and or relationships. Loving and respecting ourselves is not a choice or a luxury, it is our responsibility and the only way to achieve a happy and well balanced life.

Falling in love with yourself

“No one can give you self love and no one can love you hard enough to compensate for the love that you need to have within yourself.”

~Sandra Dubose-Gibson

If you h av e been struggling with a lack of self love, instead of focusing your energy on garnering the affections of a significant other this Valentine’s Day, buy yourself some flowers and use these 3 love potions to help start the fire, for falling in love with yourself. When you uncover the true love within yourself, you set the stage for the true love of another to find you.

Decide that enough is enough: Just like you make the decision to love others, make the decision to love you no matter what. It is mind over matter. No one is perfect; including you, so cut yourself some slack. We are all doing the best we can based on our personal experiences so be gentle with yourself and commit to learn how to be your own best friend instead of your own worst enemy.  

Get to the root of the problem and pluck it out: Identify who or what made you feel less than and let them or it go. Negative things may have happened in your childhood. We all have a story we could tell that had it’s share of damaging effects. As a child it was not our fault nor was it fair. The reasons for pain are justifiable. The bottom line is that we cannot change the past, but we can absolutely decide to create a better tomorrow for ourselves. Leave the past behind.

Exercise your faith: Prayer and faith are the main ingredients to getting out of the clouds and seeing the breaking of day. The goal is to see yourself through God’s eyes, perfect even in your imperfections. No other opinions matter, not even your own. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Find your path to peace through faith. Trust your creator and recite these truths to yourself often.

v  I am strong

v  I am intelligent

v  I am have talents and gifts

v  I am kind

v  I am worthy of love

v  I am whole and complete right now

v  I am a child of God

Remember: This may be the season for love and romance, but learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all.

Peace and Blessings