It has been over two years since the first time I ever went outside bald. I decided to do it as a personal challenge. I needed to accept myself openly and begin to be truly comfortable in my own skin. It is easy to talk the talk but sooner or later, you have to walk the walk. I was nervous, excited and uncomfortable. I wanted to run back in the house but I managed to keep it together and push past those emotions. This moment of liberation was my way to boldly reclaim the self esteem that I had allowed Alopecia to steal from me. It was time to shift my alopecia experience from fear to fearlessness.

Today, two years later, I still have to take a few deep breaths and get my emotions in order before I go outside bald. I don’t do it every day so when I do, I have to do a mental self check and get centered so that I can handle whatever may come my way.

“Ultimately, if I believe that I am beautiful and walk in confidence, then I will exude beauty and persuade others to see the beauty in themselves.” ~ Sandra Dubose-Gibson

This music video is from the documentary film “Project Liberation- My Alopecia Experience. It documents the first time I ever went outside bald on my way to do a bald photo shoot.

Secondly, get over your thoughts of what “THEY” are thinking.

Last month, I went to perform at an outdoor African Arts Festival in a small country town in North Carolina. My daughters, a.k.a. “my entourage”, came with me. I showed up in all of my bald-ilicious glory ready to sing my song and share my story. As my daughters and I walked from the car to the event, we saw many people along the street that stared blatantly at me as we walked by. It was awkward and in all the times I have gone outside au natural, I have never been stared at like this before. They obviously had never encountered too many bald women in their part of town.

I recognized then the power that lies in looking different. To think, if I could walk down the street and have people tune into me with curious eyes, my response to them could make the difference in changing someones perception of what beauty is and create greater sensitivity for others who look different as well. I smiled graciously at them thinking that it was the perfect teachable moment for my children about the importance of self confidence. The stares did not bother me but my children were uncomfortable and growing angry that so many people were staring at their mommy that way. I comforted them by telling them what those people were thinking and saying to each other…….

“Is she some kind of celebrity?”    Maybe…..

“Is she a model?”   Could be…….

The truth is that I have no idea what “THEY” were thinking. No one will ever know how that moment resonated with each of them and I cannot worry about that.  There is no way to maintain a sense of peace or sanity if we obsess about the unknown. At some point we have to divorce ourselves from the fear of being judged by others. We can’t afford to put too much value on the opinions of complete strangers! Now, while it is human nature to want to be accepted and liked, we cannot ask anyone to do for us, what we cannot or will not do for ourselves. Bottom line, what matters most is always what we think of ourselves.

Lastly, choose to be happy in spite of your challenges and you will inspire others to do the same

Any questions the onlookers had, had been answered the moment I took the microphone and educated them about my condition. They realized then, how I embraced my difference so that I can make a difference. I then proceeded to sing a Mary J. Blige crowd favorite, “All I really want is to be happy.”

In that moment as we were rocking out together, they knew and understood that there was no real difference between me and them at all. Singing in unison we recognized that no matter what our external differences are, inside we are all the same and all each of us ever REALLY want, is to be happy!

Sandra Dubose-Gibson

When asked by moderator, Lauren Lake at the 2010 Women’s Empowerment Expo, what I thought was the #1 issue women are wrestling with as it relates to “good hair” and the “Hollywood Complex”, I offered a few points to ponder:

• We have to stop comparing ourselves to other women and instead uncover and accept our own unique beauty whether we have short hair, long hair or in my case, no hair at all.
• Understand that we were not made to look the same but we are each our own individual expression of the image and likeness of God and he does not make mistakes.
• No matter what physical changes we go through, know that our true beauty comes from our spirit within.
• We have to accept ourselves for who we are and what we look like because people are going to see us, the way we see ourselves.

While hair is an important attribute to a woman’s identity of beauty, there are many other non-physical traits of beauty in every woman that we must identify and appreciate.

Some times in life we may have experiences that will challenge our self esteem. It is easy to feel good about yourself when you are not dealing with circumstances beyond your control and you look the way you want to look. Just as it is easy to love someone when they are making you happy. The truth is revealed only through test and trials. Then and only then can we find out what we are really made of. This is why we need to cultivate a deeper understanding of self and a  broader perspective of beauty in ourselves and in others.

When we suffer through any unwanted physical changes, it is easy to just focus on the negative and forget about all of the positive things we have going for ourselves. I don’t care if the issue is hair loss, weight gain, a pimple or a crooked tooth. These imperfections seemingly take over our mirror and cause us to forget that our beauty is bigger than that one issue. I find that often times we are harder on ourselves than we are on others. If the people who we truly love had any of those issues, we would show them more compassion and acceptance than we do ourselves. This is a mindset we must work to change.

The Beauty Test: An exercise to Identify Physical and Non-Physical Beauty Attributes To Increase Self-Esteem

Sometimes we need to be reminded of the greatness we possess to shift our perspective from darkness to light. You don’t have to wait for someone else to acknowledge your beauty, give yourself a self esteem boost by taking this beauty test today. Make a list of your best attributes whether they are physical or non-physical. I am confident that you will find that there are many things to love about yourself and to be proud of. Own your own individual beauty and do not compare yourself to anyone else. You will do yourself a great disservice and miss out on the authentic beauty which is you. Here is a cheat sheet of my list to get you moving in the right direction.

A few of my Best Attributes

-  My sense of humor

-  My Kind Disposition

-  Sharing and Caring for Others

-  Curves to die for

-  A Beautiful bald head

-  Soft, smooth (hairless) skin

Identifying these attributes helps increase my self-esteem by keeping my eye on the prize, the true essence of me.

Please share a beauty attribute, or two, of yours from your Beauty test. Post your comments and give yourself a shout out. In doing so, you could help others identify the beauty they may have overlooked within themselves.

Beauty is not made up of just one characteristic. There are many aspects about a person that attribute to their beauty. Contrary to the Hollywood created stereotypes of “so called” beauty, only part of it is external. The root of the word stems from what is inside. Like they say, “A tree is known, by the fruit it bares.”  I remember the exact moment in time when I realized that the attributes of beauty are decided in the mind’s eye of the beholder and it is true for them even if I disagree.

Looking through the eyes of love

Having gone bald as a result of Alopecia Universalis starting at the age of 25, caused me to become very insecure within my marriage. At that time we had been married for 4 years and our first daughter was only 1 years old. Intimacy became a real struggle for me because I did not feel beautiful anymore. I used to think, “How could he possibly want me looking like this?” I felt his advances were done as an act of kindness, obligation or maybe even pity. He told me often how sexy I still was in his eyes. I did not see it, so I did not believe him. I became distant, angry and unavailable. I rejected the love and acceptance that was being offered. Deep inside I believed that he would eventually leave me.

What happens behind closed doors?

One night, my husband lovingly expressed his frustration with the way that I had been handling my Alopecia experience. To the world I seemed to be doing fine but he was the one who took the blows when I cried myself to sleep and woke up angry every morning.  He told me that he could handle me losing my hair and that it honestly did not matter to him. He still felt that I was beautiful and he loved me with or without hair. What he could not handle was my new found low self esteem, regular pity parties and depression. THAT WAS UNATTRACTIVE. He explained to me that my confidence and upbeat personality is what drew him to me and what he fell in love with, not my hair. Talk about an AHA moment! When it was all said and done, my CONFIDENCE, wit and personality was the top lock key to unlock the heart of my husband. Who knew?! I realized then, that the outer package is not nearly as important as the content inside. I don’t want to just LOOK beautiful, I want to BE beautiful and I decide what the definition of beauty is for me and you can do the same for you.

What to do when the truth hurts

I learned that evening that I had a limited view of beauty and was only afflicting additional pain upon myself. My husband was not leaving me but I was pushing him away. Not only was Alopecia going to take away my hair but I was allowing it to take away my self esteem, my joy, my personality and subsequently my marriage. I had to turn my pain into a point of power and start fighting back. Somehow I was going to have to shake the bald blues. I wanted to be the woman my husband fell in love with and the sexiest bald woman he had ever seen! I could not change the fact that I did not have hair, but I could decide to love myself in spite of it and understand my worth. The process takes time to climb the mountain of personal liberation. That moment of truth with my husband was the catalyst that motivated me to walk towards the light and illuminate in a way that inspires others to find their own path. The experience was a blessing in disguise and taught me an invaluable lesson about beauty, love and marriage. What will be the catalyst for you? If you need a little inspiration, I know where you can find it.

Finding my path and walking in my purpose

In honor of Women’s History Month, on Saturday, March 20, 2010, Radio One will hold the 16^th Annual Women’s Empowerment Expo at the RBC Arena in Raleigh, North Carolina. I have been invited to participate as a panelist in the beauty seminar, “The Hollywood Complex: The Truth Behind beauty”.

I am honored and excited to weigh in on the topic of beauty from a bald woman’s perspective. I believe I have something of value to share and my heart is open to receive. This is an entire day event dedicated to uplifting African American women in every area of our lives. There will be over 14,000 people in attendance, vendors, seminars, food, education, entertainment and most of all, empowerment for all.

It will be a great day of inspiration and fellowship that you don’t want to miss! I hope to see you there.

For more information visit: www.womensempowermentexpo.com