1st Bald Beauty Queen in North Carolina

My alopecia experience began right after my 25th birthday. I would wake up to find coin sized, round, bald patches on my scalp. My  biggest fear at the time, was that I would become completely bald. As most people do after receiving a diagnosis of any illness, I searched the internet for information, answers and pictures. I remember getting a knot in my stomach whenever I saw pictures of men, women and children with different forms of Alopecia Areata. I did not want to look like that and I certainly did not want to deal with this situation for the rest of my life knowing that there is no medical cure. I wondered what I had done in my life to deserve this kind of punishment. It all felt so unfair. I mean, I was a nice person. Hadn’t I endured enough trauma in my life already? What made God think this would be a challenge that I could handle given my history of low self esteem?  Had he not been paying attention all these years?! I was angry inside. I was confused, afraid and I felt very “unlucky” to say the least. There was no way that I could anticipate that those painful moments and heavy emotions would eventually give way to my present reality.

“Time may heal all wounds but we must do the work of cleaning out the wound so that it can heal properly.” ~SDG

Over the past 12 years, I have gone through many stages in my alopecia experience. It wasn’t until 2008 that I became ready to move forward in my healing process and take a position of leadership to help others liberate themselves from the pain I decided to leave behind. I could not carry the burden of feeling bad or waiting for my hair to grow back anymore. If being bald for life was my sentence, I was going to live it up in my cell and party like a rock star! When it was time to let go, I simply made a conscious decision to choose freedom over fear. Helping others became my way of turning lemons into lemonade and putting the pain of alopecia in a choke hold. Once I started to speak out, it became clear that my experience was bigger than me. I saw that my story was a universal lesson that everyone could learn from about self esteem. Stepping out was not only allowing me to solidify the truth in myself but it became an example for others of the power of perspective and the ability we each have to change our minds and create a new experience in our lives.

A New Crown and Glory

On Saturday, March 26, 2011, I decided to push my personal envelope a little farther. Coming out of my comfort zone, doing something I had never done before, I competed in a beauty pageant and won the crown of 2011 Mrs. Black North Carolina! It was one of the greatest moments in my life for so many reasons. Not only was I standing for myself to prove that I was just as beautiful, talented, qualified and capable as the other flawless contestants, I stood as a representative for a population of women who may struggle with low self esteem and feel as though they are not good enough with hair or without. I stood for my two daughters who cheered me on from the audience to show them that all things are possible when we believe in ourselves, no matter what. I stood as a warrior defeating the monster of alopecia that comes to slay us of our self esteem by taking away what we were taught to believe is our crown and glory.

On this day, I celebrated my New Crown and Glory. In exchange for my full head of hair, I have been blessed with a full understanding of the beauty that lies within me and in others. I had never in my life dreamed of competing in a beauty pageant. Ironically, even when I had hair, it was never a thought that crossed my mind. This year, with brand new eyes, I saw that entering a beauty pageant would afford me the opportunity to prove to the world that our beauty has nothing to do with hair or any of our physical attributes. Our true crown and glory can never be taken away or even won in a pageant. It is the essence of ME. It is the essence of YOU. Mind, Body and Spirit. I am honored and grateful to have won the crown but for this accomplishment, God truly gets all the glory!

The Project Liberation Movement

As 2011 Mrs. Black North Carolina, my goal is to tour the United States raising awareness of Alopecia Areata and to promote healthy self esteem in women of all ages. This is my “Project Liberation Movement” and I plan to go into schools, churches, speak to women’s groups and at conferences to share my message through words and song. My personal anthem is a song I wrote entitled, “I’m Beautiful.” I sing it every where I go and the response is overwhelming. Please support my efforts today by downloading this music to help me get this message out to those who need it most.

“Project Liberation; My Alopecia Experience Music Soundtrack” is available for digital download on ITUNES, CD Baby, Amazon and other online record stores.  Thank you in advance for your financial support, words of encouragement and most importantly, your prayers.

Click the link below to view the news coverage of my 1st performance as 2011 Mrs. Black North Carolina courtesy of WRAL.

Bald Beauty Queen sings at Southern Women’s Show

At the start of my journey with Alopecia, I never dreamed it could ever be an issue that I would look at as “a blessing.”  The only dream I had was the one where I woke up to the return of a full head of hair and my life back the way it was before it all started. I held on to that dream for years. Mentally and emotionally, I felt like I was holding my breath in anticipation of that glorious day.  After it did, I would write a book about how awful the ordeal was, but not until it was all over. I would not share or help others until I had the “victory.” That was my plan.

Wake up to the truth

The moment I woke up and realized that healing had a broader definition than what I understood, is the day I began my inner project of liberation. My perspective had to change so I can free myself from being stuck in that moment of time. I had to stop waiting for it to be over and start living through it, breathing through it. Life is too short to put your happiness on hold until it gives you exactly what you want. Things may not unfold the way you think it will. I have learned that if you open yourself up to the experience and release your expectations for the outcome, you can gain valuable insight from it. The situation can evolve into something more beautiful and rewarding than you could have ever imagined.

Here are 5 Tips for transforming a bad experience into a blessing:

1. Trust the wisdom of the universe.  Learn the art of surrender and the act of faith.

2. Understand that all things inevitably work together for the good and there is a pearl of wisdom available to be found in every life challenge. Focus on the pearl, not the pain.

3. Decide to use your mental power to open your mind rather than hold fast to thoughts and beliefs that do not serve the goal of inner and outer peace.

4. Be teachable, be humble and be open. The answers come but only when you are ready to hear them.

5. Be grateful. Things can always be worse. Even when things feel bad, know that there is somebody somewhere who would love to be in your shoes. Maintain a grateful spirit. It makes the heavy load, a little lighter.

My on-air Aha moment

On July 29, 2010, I had the pleasure of sitting down for an interview with Dr. Allen Mask of the WRAL Channel 5 Health Team. I shared my Alopecia experience with him and my gift of song, words and film. It wasn’t until that moment sitting in the living room, being asked specific questions that I heard myself admit that Alopecia has turned out to be a blessing in my life. I had not acknowledged it but the level of growth and personal development I have been forced to experience as a result of it, has allowed me to blossom in ways I never thought I could. It has opened up doors for me creatively and gave me a platform to stand on, be heard and to make a difference. With a merry heart and a bald head, my life is yet but a dream.

Check out my interview with Dr. Allen Mask on the WRAL Channel 5 Health Team Report:

Click the link below to view the video clip.

Loss of hair is ‘blessing’ for Raleigh woman

Clayton Brock, Sandra Dubose and Dr. Allen Mask

It has been over two years since the first time I ever went outside bald. I decided to do it as a personal challenge. I needed to accept myself openly and begin to be truly comfortable in my own skin. It is easy to talk the talk but sooner or later, you have to walk the walk. I was nervous, excited and uncomfortable. I wanted to run back in the house but I managed to keep it together and push past those emotions. This moment of liberation was my way to boldly reclaim the self esteem that I had allowed Alopecia to steal from me. It was time to shift my alopecia experience from fear to fearlessness.

Today, two years later, I still have to take a few deep breaths and get my emotions in order before I go outside bald. I don’t do it every day so when I do, I have to do a mental self check and get centered so that I can handle whatever may come my way.

“Ultimately, if I believe that I am beautiful and walk in confidence, then I will exude beauty and persuade others to see the beauty in themselves.” ~ Sandra Dubose-Gibson

This music video is from the documentary film “Project Liberation- My Alopecia Experience. It documents the first time I ever went outside bald on my way to do a bald photo shoot.

Secondly, get over your thoughts of what “THEY” are thinking.

Last month, I went to perform at an outdoor African Arts Festival in a small country town in North Carolina. My daughters, a.k.a. “my entourage”, came with me. I showed up in all of my bald-ilicious glory ready to sing my song and share my story. As my daughters and I walked from the car to the event, we saw many people along the street that stared blatantly at me as we walked by. It was awkward and in all the times I have gone outside au natural, I have never been stared at like this before. They obviously had never encountered too many bald women in their part of town.

I recognized then the power that lies in looking different. To think, if I could walk down the street and have people tune into me with curious eyes, my response to them could make the difference in changing someones perception of what beauty is and create greater sensitivity for others who look different as well. I smiled graciously at them thinking that it was the perfect teachable moment for my children about the importance of self confidence. The stares did not bother me but my children were uncomfortable and growing angry that so many people were staring at their mommy that way. I comforted them by telling them what those people were thinking and saying to each other…….

“Is she some kind of celebrity?”    Maybe…..

“Is she a model?”   Could be…….

The truth is that I have no idea what “THEY” were thinking. No one will ever know how that moment resonated with each of them and I cannot worry about that.  There is no way to maintain a sense of peace or sanity if we obsess about the unknown. At some point we have to divorce ourselves from the fear of being judged by others. We can’t afford to put too much value on the opinions of complete strangers! Now, while it is human nature to want to be accepted and liked, we cannot ask anyone to do for us, what we cannot or will not do for ourselves. Bottom line, what matters most is always what we think of ourselves.

Lastly, choose to be happy in spite of your challenges and you will inspire others to do the same

Any questions the onlookers had, had been answered the moment I took the microphone and educated them about my condition. They realized then, how I embraced my difference so that I can make a difference. I then proceeded to sing a Mary J. Blige crowd favorite, “All I really want is to be happy.”

In that moment as we were rocking out together, they knew and understood that there was no real difference between me and them at all. Singing in unison we recognized that no matter what our external differences are, inside we are all the same and all each of us ever REALLY want, is to be happy!

Beauty is not made up of just one characteristic. There are many aspects about a person that attribute to their beauty. Contrary to the Hollywood created stereotypes of “so called” beauty, only part of it is external. The root of the word stems from what is inside. Like they say, “A tree is known, by the fruit it bares.”  I remember the exact moment in time when I realized that the attributes of beauty are decided in the mind’s eye of the beholder and it is true for them even if I disagree.

Looking through the eyes of love

Having gone bald as a result of Alopecia Universalis starting at the age of 25, caused me to become very insecure within my marriage. At that time we had been married for 4 years and our first daughter was only 1 years old. Intimacy became a real struggle for me because I did not feel beautiful anymore. I used to think, “How could he possibly want me looking like this?” I felt his advances were done as an act of kindness, obligation or maybe even pity. He told me often how sexy I still was in his eyes. I did not see it, so I did not believe him. I became distant, angry and unavailable. I rejected the love and acceptance that was being offered. Deep inside I believed that he would eventually leave me.

What happens behind closed doors?

One night, my husband lovingly expressed his frustration with the way that I had been handling my Alopecia experience. To the world I seemed to be doing fine but he was the one who took the blows when I cried myself to sleep and woke up angry every morning.  He told me that he could handle me losing my hair and that it honestly did not matter to him. He still felt that I was beautiful and he loved me with or without hair. What he could not handle was my new found low self esteem, regular pity parties and depression. THAT WAS UNATTRACTIVE. He explained to me that my confidence and upbeat personality is what drew him to me and what he fell in love with, not my hair. Talk about an AHA moment! When it was all said and done, my CONFIDENCE, wit and personality was the top lock key to unlock the heart of my husband. Who knew?! I realized then, that the outer package is not nearly as important as the content inside. I don’t want to just LOOK beautiful, I want to BE beautiful and I decide what the definition of beauty is for me and you can do the same for you.

What to do when the truth hurts

I learned that evening that I had a limited view of beauty and was only afflicting additional pain upon myself. My husband was not leaving me but I was pushing him away. Not only was Alopecia going to take away my hair but I was allowing it to take away my self esteem, my joy, my personality and subsequently my marriage. I had to turn my pain into a point of power and start fighting back. Somehow I was going to have to shake the bald blues. I wanted to be the woman my husband fell in love with and the sexiest bald woman he had ever seen! I could not change the fact that I did not have hair, but I could decide to love myself in spite of it and understand my worth. The process takes time to climb the mountain of personal liberation. That moment of truth with my husband was the catalyst that motivated me to walk towards the light and illuminate in a way that inspires others to find their own path. The experience was a blessing in disguise and taught me an invaluable lesson about beauty, love and marriage. What will be the catalyst for you? If you need a little inspiration, I know where you can find it.

Finding my path and walking in my purpose

In honor of Women’s History Month, on Saturday, March 20, 2010, Radio One will hold the 16^th Annual Women’s Empowerment Expo at the RBC Arena in Raleigh, North Carolina. I have been invited to participate as a panelist in the beauty seminar, “The Hollywood Complex: The Truth Behind beauty”.

I am honored and excited to weigh in on the topic of beauty from a bald woman’s perspective. I believe I have something of value to share and my heart is open to receive. This is an entire day event dedicated to uplifting African American women in every area of our lives. There will be over 14,000 people in attendance, vendors, seminars, food, education, entertainment and most of all, empowerment for all.

It will be a great day of inspiration and fellowship that you don’t want to miss! I hope to see you there.

For more information visit: www.womensempowermentexpo.com

Bald, bold and beautiful!

I have been living my life as a bald woman for over 6 years now but I honestly do not go outside without my wig that often. One reason I don’t is because in addition to having Alopecia Universalis (complete hair loss on the entire body), I also have a form of Cicatricial Alopecia. Cicatricial (which means scarring) alopecia refers to a group of rare disorders which destroy the hair follicle and replace it with scar tissue, thereby causing permanent hair loss. As a result of this, I have blotchy colored skin on my scalp. In order to create an even tone all over my head, I have to apply make up all over it. This is a time consuming procedure that I only entertain when it is time to wow the crowd. Other than that, I prefer to cover my crown and save myself the expense of buying new foundation every week.

Bold

I recently took a bold step outside of my own comfort zone as a personal challenge. On November 21, 2009, I attended the Radio One Media & Entertainment Conference in Raleigh, North Carolina. It was the place to be for anyone looking to work in any facet of the entertainment industry. The downtown Sheraton hotel was filled with local aspiring artists, record label executives, well known music producers, successful entrepreneurs and keynote speaker, Andre Harrell himself. It was an amazing event and provided everyone with a wealth of valuable information and networking opportunities.

The Bold part of the story, is that I decided to attend this diva-liscious event au natural! I did not wear my wig but I did wear my confidence and determination. It was a wonderful challenge and a great gift to myself to step out a little further and put my money where my mouth is. The reward was priceless. I only stand 5 feet in stature but on this day, I felt 6 feet tall and quite comfortable in my new tall skin.

Beautiful

A line in one of my favorite poems by Marianne Williamson reads like this:

“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same thing.

As we are liberated from our own fears, our very presence, automatically liberates others.”

Part of the reason I decided to go out to an event for an industry that glorifies the carbon copied, barbie doll standard of beauty is because I wanted to make a statement. I decided to let my light shine so that my presence may liberate others. There were some stares as you can imagine as I was the only bald woman in the building but I returned each glance with love.

When you decide to embrace the thing that makes you different, you never know how many people will be inspired to free themselves and do the same thing. Everyone may not come up to you and verbalize how your presence impacts them and you do not need them to. Your assignment is to lead from the front.

During the conference, I went to the ladies room to fix my make up. A woman I shared a mirror with just came out and said, “You are bold!”  I smiled knowingly and said, “I have been told that before but this style is not by choice. I just do what I have to do.” She replied, “Well, I guess I should not complain about the few gray hairs I found on my head this morning huh? ” I said, “Girl, I would kill for a few gray hairs right about now.” We laughed and shared a moment of truth as we looked at our reflections staring back at us in the mirror.

She was beautiful with a few gray hairs and I was beautiful with no hair at all.

Decide to let your light shine today.