It has been over two years since the first time I ever went outside bald. I decided to do it as a personal challenge. I needed to accept myself openly and begin to be truly comfortable in my own skin. It is easy to talk the talk but sooner or later, you have to walk the walk. I was nervous, excited and uncomfortable. I wanted to run back in the house but I managed to keep it together and push past those emotions. This moment of liberation was my way to boldly reclaim the self esteem that I had allowed Alopecia to steal from me. It was time to shift my alopecia experience from fear to fearlessness.

Today, two years later, I still have to take a few deep breaths and get my emotions in order before I go outside bald. I don’t do it every day so when I do, I have to do a mental self check and get centered so that I can handle whatever may come my way.

“Ultimately, if I believe that I am beautiful and walk in confidence, then I will exude beauty and persuade others to see the beauty in themselves.” ~ Sandra Dubose-Gibson

This music video is from the documentary film “Project Liberation- My Alopecia Experience. It documents the first time I ever went outside bald on my way to do a bald photo shoot.

Secondly, get over your thoughts of what “THEY” are thinking.

Last month, I went to perform at an outdoor African Arts Festival in a small country town in North Carolina. My daughters, a.k.a. “my entourage”, came with me. I showed up in all of my bald-ilicious glory ready to sing my song and share my story. As my daughters and I walked from the car to the event, we saw many people along the street that stared blatantly at me as we walked by. It was awkward and in all the times I have gone outside au natural, I have never been stared at like this before. They obviously had never encountered too many bald women in their part of town.

I recognized then the power that lies in looking different. To think, if I could walk down the street and have people tune into me with curious eyes, my response to them could make the difference in changing someones perception of what beauty is and create greater sensitivity for others who look different as well. I smiled graciously at them thinking that it was the perfect teachable moment for my children about the importance of self confidence. The stares did not bother me but my children were uncomfortable and growing angry that so many people were staring at their mommy that way. I comforted them by telling them what those people were thinking and saying to each other…….

“Is she some kind of celebrity?”    Maybe…..

“Is she a model?”   Could be…….

The truth is that I have no idea what “THEY” were thinking. No one will ever know how that moment resonated with each of them and I cannot worry about that.  There is no way to maintain a sense of peace or sanity if we obsess about the unknown. At some point we have to divorce ourselves from the fear of being judged by others. We can’t afford to put too much value on the opinions of complete strangers! Now, while it is human nature to want to be accepted and liked, we cannot ask anyone to do for us, what we cannot or will not do for ourselves. Bottom line, what matters most is always what we think of ourselves.

Lastly, choose to be happy in spite of your challenges and you will inspire others to do the same

Any questions the onlookers had, had been answered the moment I took the microphone and educated them about my condition. They realized then, how I embraced my difference so that I can make a difference. I then proceeded to sing a Mary J. Blige crowd favorite, “All I really want is to be happy.”

In that moment as we were rocking out together, they knew and understood that there was no real difference between me and them at all. Singing in unison we recognized that no matter what our external differences are, inside we are all the same and all each of us ever REALLY want, is to be happy!

Beauty is not made up of just one characteristic. There are many aspects about a person that attribute to their beauty. Contrary to the Hollywood created stereotypes of “so called” beauty, only part of it is external. The root of the word stems from what is inside. Like they say, “A tree is known, by the fruit it bares.”  I remember the exact moment in time when I realized that the attributes of beauty are decided in the mind’s eye of the beholder and it is true for them even if I disagree.

Looking through the eyes of love

Having gone bald as a result of Alopecia Universalis starting at the age of 25, caused me to become very insecure within my marriage. At that time we had been married for 4 years and our first daughter was only 1 years old. Intimacy became a real struggle for me because I did not feel beautiful anymore. I used to think, “How could he possibly want me looking like this?” I felt his advances were done as an act of kindness, obligation or maybe even pity. He told me often how sexy I still was in his eyes. I did not see it, so I did not believe him. I became distant, angry and unavailable. I rejected the love and acceptance that was being offered. Deep inside I believed that he would eventually leave me.

What happens behind closed doors?

One night, my husband lovingly expressed his frustration with the way that I had been handling my Alopecia experience. To the world I seemed to be doing fine but he was the one who took the blows when I cried myself to sleep and woke up angry every morning.  He told me that he could handle me losing my hair and that it honestly did not matter to him. He still felt that I was beautiful and he loved me with or without hair. What he could not handle was my new found low self esteem, regular pity parties and depression. THAT WAS UNATTRACTIVE. He explained to me that my confidence and upbeat personality is what drew him to me and what he fell in love with, not my hair. Talk about an AHA moment! When it was all said and done, my CONFIDENCE, wit and personality was the top lock key to unlock the heart of my husband. Who knew?! I realized then, that the outer package is not nearly as important as the content inside. I don’t want to just LOOK beautiful, I want to BE beautiful and I decide what the definition of beauty is for me and you can do the same for you.

What to do when the truth hurts

I learned that evening that I had a limited view of beauty and was only afflicting additional pain upon myself. My husband was not leaving me but I was pushing him away. Not only was Alopecia going to take away my hair but I was allowing it to take away my self esteem, my joy, my personality and subsequently my marriage. I had to turn my pain into a point of power and start fighting back. Somehow I was going to have to shake the bald blues. I wanted to be the woman my husband fell in love with and the sexiest bald woman he had ever seen! I could not change the fact that I did not have hair, but I could decide to love myself in spite of it and understand my worth. The process takes time to climb the mountain of personal liberation. That moment of truth with my husband was the catalyst that motivated me to walk towards the light and illuminate in a way that inspires others to find their own path. The experience was a blessing in disguise and taught me an invaluable lesson about beauty, love and marriage. What will be the catalyst for you? If you need a little inspiration, I know where you can find it.

Finding my path and walking in my purpose

In honor of Women’s History Month, on Saturday, March 20, 2010, Radio One will hold the 16^th Annual Women’s Empowerment Expo at the RBC Arena in Raleigh, North Carolina. I have been invited to participate as a panelist in the beauty seminar, “The Hollywood Complex: The Truth Behind beauty”.

I am honored and excited to weigh in on the topic of beauty from a bald woman’s perspective. I believe I have something of value to share and my heart is open to receive. This is an entire day event dedicated to uplifting African American women in every area of our lives. There will be over 14,000 people in attendance, vendors, seminars, food, education, entertainment and most of all, empowerment for all.

It will be a great day of inspiration and fellowship that you don’t want to miss! I hope to see you there.

For more information visit: www.womensempowermentexpo.com

True beauty shining through!

We all know that hair loss can negatively impact your self esteem no matter who you are. Man, woman, boy, girl, black, white, rich or poor, hair matters. I contend that you never truly realize how important your hair is to you until you start to lose some. The pain of the loss is a universal feeling and it connects those who are dealing with it, which is why the NAAF Conference is so powerful and important.

“We have the power to heal each other’s pain.” – SDG

During the conference, I had the pleasure of connecting with many wonderful people from all walks of life but then something happened that I could not have expected. I looked up to find a group of African American women who were bald like me. As a first time attendee at a NAAF Conference, this was a new experience for me. I found comfort in seeing my reflection in the faces of these women.  We stood there admiring each other’s beauty and in that moment there was a spirit of peace that came over each of us. It was an indescribable feeling that brought us all to tears as we stood holding hands and hugging one another. I believe that we were releasing a deep rooted pain that we did not even realize was there. The feeling was unspoken yet understood. We stood together in the spirit of love and we celebrated our collective triumph over stereotypes and low self-esteem. Looking at one another, we understood more than ever that we were lacking nothing. Our beauty was intact and our vision was clear.

Black hair is……

As an African American woman, I believe that our relationship with hair is especially unique. Given our history from slavery until today, black women have had great challenges in finding our rightful place in what society advertises as the standard of beauty. At first we were told that our skin was too dark. We had to learn to embrace and appreciate the many shades of brown we encompass. This was a challenge in society and even within our own families. We were told that our bodies were too curvaceous and we had to learn to appreciate our hips, our lips and curves. Over the years, those attributes have become not only acceptable in mainstream media but the object of their desire. While most of the world has now awakened and recognized our natural beauty, the issue of black hair still seems to be on the table. “Good hair” or “bad hair”, black hair has been a symbol of strength, pride and yet ridicule. Our hair has a history and a legacy all it’s own that we hold dear. From afros to dread locks to NO locks, we now stand in this new bald identity. Our pride is not based just on the color of our skin, but given our challenges, it comes from our God given strength within.

The truth is:

“In the big scheme of things, it really does not matter if you are black, white or other; for EVERY color is beautiful when you are looking through the eyes of love at another.”

Say it loud, I'm bald and I'm proud!

Write in and share your moment of truth. I love and look forward to hearing from you!

“You gain strength, courage and confidence from every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

You must do the thing you THINK you cannot do!”

On June 27, 2009, I will be the guest speaker at the 24th Annual National Alopecia Areata Foundation International Conference in Houston, Texas.

As I count down the days to this very exciting moment in my life, I reminisce on the  beginning stages of my journey with Alopecia Areata. It is hard to believe that it has already been 10 years that I have dealt with it and even spent the last 5 years as a completely hairless human with Alopecia Universalis.

How it all began….

Happy Birthday to me!

During my 25th birthday party, my first small, round, bald patch made it’s debut right behind my ear. It garnered a lot of attention at the party stealing my spotlight and creating cause for concern. Since I always wore my hair in a short precision cut, hiding it with hair was not an option. Before I knew it, I was wearing a wig and I have been ever since.

I made an appointment to see my doctor and was diagnosed with the autoimmune disease, Alopecia Areata. From that moment on, my life was changed and my journey had begun. I began to frantically search the internet for answers and found the National Alopecia Areata Foundation website. It had a wealth of information and resources. While it was very helpful, the reality that there was no cure was also very scary.

I remember seeing pictures on their website of past conferences. There were bald people all hugged up together and dancing and having fun? I thought, “who are these people and why are they smiling? None of this seems fun to me!”  I vowed with my bald patches at the time, that I would have no parts of such things.  I did not want to end up in that picture. I did not want to celebrate a series of unfortunate events. It would NEVER be me.

What I have learned thus far….

It wasn’t the happy people in the picture that made me uncomfortable, it was the fact that I could never see myself getting to a place of acceptance of my situation and still having joy. And what kind of courage must they posses that would allow them to bare it all and let the world see them just as they are? ”Who does these things?”, I thought.

Well, my Momma told me to never say never and as usual, she is so right. Who knew that there could be an upside to what started off as a devastating and painful experience?

“In the process of losing my hair, I have found my true identity. I had no idea that less could really be more.”

Sexy is as sexy does....

I went outside bald for the first time briefly when I filmed my documentary “Project Liberation- My Alopecia Experience.” I was on my way to do the bald photo shoot and quite honestly there wasn’t a lot of people outside that actually saw me. I was relieved and just proud that I got through the moment without running for cover. That was the test and I passed it. I’ve learned to take baby steps and the more that I do, the more I know I can do.

To date I choose to wear a wig because frankly I am more comfortable with it on. The skin on my scalp is blotchy so I have to wear make up all over my head to create an even tone. A salt on a wound if you ask me but the bottom line is, being bald is high maintenance for me. I find it to be so mush easier to put on a fabulous wig and keep it moving! I have made hair an accessory that I change at will depending on how I feel. But on June 27, 2009, I will stand before my Alopecian family and bare it all in bald solidarity. I am going to do the thing I thought I could not do. Boldly, Baldly, Proudly at the National Alopecia Areata Conference. Not only will I be one of “those people” dancing and smiling with my joy in tact, but I will be the ring leader leading the Conga line and posing happily for every picture. So, if your gonna be down in Texas, look me up and wish me luck.

Yee- Haw!