First you must believe that you are beautiful then you can exude beauty.
It has been over two years since the first time I ever went outside bald. I decided to do it as a personal challenge. I needed to accept myself openly and begin to be truly comfortable in my own skin. It is easy to talk the talk but sooner or later, you have to walk the walk. I was nervous, excited and uncomfortable. I wanted to run back in the house but I managed to keep it together and push past those emotions. This moment of liberation was my way to boldly reclaim the self esteem that I had allowed Alopecia to steal from me. It was time to shift my alopecia experience from fear to fearlessness.
Today, two years later, I still have to take a few deep breaths and get my emotions in order before I go outside bald. I don’t do it every day so when I do, I have to do a mental self check and get centered so that I can handle whatever may come my way.
“Ultimately, if I believe that I am beautiful and walk in confidence, then I will exude beauty and persuade others to see the beauty in themselves.” ~ Sandra Dubose-Gibson
This music video is from the documentary film “Project Liberation- My Alopecia Experience. It documents the first time I ever went outside bald on my way to do a bald photo shoot.
Secondly, get over your thoughts of what “THEY” are thinking.
Last month, I went to perform at an outdoor African Arts Festival in a small country town in North Carolina. My daughters, a.k.a. “my entourage”, came with me. I showed up in all of my bald-ilicious glory ready to sing my song and share my story. As my daughters and I walked from the car to the event, we saw many people along the street that stared blatantly at me as we walked by. It was awkward and in all the times I have gone outside au natural, I have never been stared at like this before. They obviously had never encountered too many bald women in their part of town.
I recognized then the power that lies in looking different. To think, if I could walk down the street and have people tune into me with curious eyes, my response to them could make the difference in changing someones perception of what beauty is and create greater sensitivity for others who look different as well. I smiled graciously at them thinking that it was the perfect teachable moment for my children about the importance of self confidence. The stares did not bother me but my children were uncomfortable and growing angry that so many people were staring at their mommy that way. I comforted them by telling them what those people were thinking and saying to each other…….
“Is she some kind of celebrity?” Maybe…..
“Is she a model?” Could be…….
The truth is that I have no idea what “THEY” were thinking. No one will ever know how that moment resonated with each of them and I cannot worry about that. There is no way to maintain a sense of peace or sanity if we obsess about the unknown. At some point we have to divorce ourselves from the fear of being judged by others. We can’t afford to put too much value on the opinions of complete strangers! Now, while it is human nature to want to be accepted and liked, we cannot ask anyone to do for us, what we cannot or will not do for ourselves. Bottom line, what matters most is always what we think of ourselves.
Lastly, choose to be happy in spite of your challenges and you will inspire others to do the same
Any questions the onlookers had, had been answered the moment I took the microphone and educated them about my condition. They realized then, how I embraced my difference so that I can make a difference. I then proceeded to sing a Mary J. Blige crowd favorite, “All I really want is to be happy.”
In that moment as we were rocking out together, they knew and understood that there was no real difference between me and them at all. Singing in unison we recognized that no matter what our external differences are, inside we are all the same and all each of us ever REALLY want, is to be happy!
Sometimes, I think our self confidence is a scary thing to the people who encounter us. My father once told me that I command a room with my quite confidence. That was long before I lost my hair. Since losing my hair I have battled the same issues you describe in your blog. But after a heart to heart with my mother I decided I had to regain what I allowed alopecia to steal from me, my I can do anything confidence. My mother told me she wanted “her Reginia” back. She had lost her confident strong daughter. It was my job to find me again. I feel you my sister. I am most proud to have sisters in this thing called alopecia. Bald, beautiful, strong, confident and happy.
Reginia, thank you so much for your post. You are so right. It is absolutely our job to find it. I wish other people’s confidence in us was enough to do the trick but it is an inside job and you have overcome in an amazing way. I am proud to know you and partner with you on this journey. Don’t make me cry……..again.
This is going to make you cry.
You are the reason I decided to conquer being bald in public early on. I transitioned to Alopecia Universalis at about the same time you started posting clips of Project Liberation online. I never dreamt I would meet you in person. But I saw your struggle to go public and said to myself, “Self we are not going to allow years to pass before we go outside bald. We are going to suck it up and embrace this now.”
What I learned from your struggle of going bald in public for the first time, was not to allow too much time to pass before I faced and conquered that fear. I had to be honest with myself and those around me.
People were uncomfortable with my baldness. Some still are. Yet I know that is their struggle. My struggle and goal in life is to be the best me I know how to be.
Not having hair does not give me the right to hide or be angry with the world. There is a whole life to live. I have to live it free of fear. I have to define me.
Go ahead cry. Those tears are nothing more than your body getting rid of pain. We are stronger becuase of them.
No words….. Too busy crying…. I love you and I am very proud of your courage and strength. Looks like your Momma got her Regina back bolder and better than ever. Ain’t God good?! His grace is absolutely sufficient. Yeah you.
Woman, you are absolutely STUNNING. Exactly. The. Way. You. Are. I would be lucky to be HALF as gorgeous as you. I too have alopecia. I lost my eyebrows and eyelashes at 13 and feel and understand your ups and your downs, but honestly, you are one of the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Thank you for speaking out for us, you can be my motivator ANY day!!!
Wow! What a lovely compliment. Thank you so much for sharing. Losing your hair at 13 must have been really tough! My teen years were dramatic enough I could not imagine having a “real issue” to deal with! lol. If you don’t mind sharing, is there any advice you could offer young Alopecians that may be challenged with this at such a young age as you were?