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Self-love is the greatest love of all

Do you love yourself?

“Do you love yourself?”Is a pretty strong question that most people would automatically answer yes to without thinking twice about it. “Of course I do” we say. It requires no contemplation for most but what about those who can’t find the words “I love myself” in their vocabulary?  At a time like this when the whole world is focusing their attention on romantic love for Valentine’s Day, I think we should spend equal time focusing on the love of ourselves.

I remember a time in my life when I would have answered, “No” to the question of loving myself. I was just a teenager then, lost in the abyss of the unknown. “Who am I and why have I been born?” were the questions in prayer whispered from my lips night after night. Finding out the answers to those questions is a personal journey that everyone must take for themselves. For some, the answers come swiftly. For some the answers come slowly and for some, not at all.

For me, after a bout with depression, repeat thoughts of suicide and over a year too long in an abusive relationship at 17, I learned enough to know who I was NOT and decided who I did not want to be ANYMORE. It was a defining moment in my life that shaped me into the woman I am today. I have no regrets, only thanks and praise for being alive to tell my story. Many of young women never learned to tap their power within and died as a result of domestic violence. As a result, February has been designated National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month.

Cited from the National Teen Abuse Helpline, a recent teen survey showed that 1 in 5 teens that have been in a serious relationship report having been hit, slapped or pushed by a partner. Unchecked issues with low self esteem only lead to more destructive behavior and or relationships. Loving and respecting ourselves is not a choice or a luxury, it is our responsibility and the only way to achieve a happy and well balanced life.

Falling in love with yourself

“No one can give you self love and no one can love you hard enough to compensate for the love that you need to have within yourself.”

~Sandra Dubose-Gibson

If you have been struggling with a lack of self love, instead of focusing your energy on garnering the affections of a significant other this Valentine’s Day, buy yourself some flowers and use these 3 love potions to help start the fire, for falling in love with yourself. When you uncover the true love within yourself, you set the stage for the true love of another to find you.

Decide that enough is enough: Just like you make the decision to love others, make the decision to love you no matter what. It is mind over matter. No one is perfect; including you, so cut yourself some slack. We are all doing the best we can based on our personal experiences so be gentle with yourself and commit to learn how to be your own best friend instead of your own worst enemy.  

Get to the root of the problem and pluck it out: Identify who or what made you feel less than and let them or it go. Negative things may have happened in your childhood. We all have a story we could tell that had it’s share of damaging effects. As a child it was not our fault nor was it fair. The reasons for pain are justifiable. The bottom line is that we cannot change the past, but we can absolutely decide to create a better tomorrow for ourselves. Leave the past behind.

Exercise your faith: Prayer and faith are the main ingredients to getting out of the clouds and seeing the breaking of day. The goal is to see yourself through God’s eyes, perfect even in your imperfections. No other opinions matter, not even your own. Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Find your path to peace through faith. Trust your creator and recite these truths to yourself often.

v  I am strong

v  I am intelligent

v  I am have talents and gifts

v  I am kind

v  I am worthy of love

v  I am whole and complete right now

v  I am a child of God

Remember: This may be the season for love and romance, but learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all.

Peace and Blessings

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By sandra
— February 8, 2010 at 2:05 am

A clear view of the New You for 2010!

Here’s to the New Year!

Warm pretzels and hot dogs never smelled so good!

The beloved hot dog dude!

I took a road trip this holiday season to the Big Apple to celebrate the new year with my loved ones. As a native New Yorker, I found that I have developed a deeper appreciation for my hometown now that I no longer live there. I come back feeling and acting like like a tourist. I am in awe of the beauty I find in the city that never sleeps. Suddenly the hot dog dude on the corner is picture worthy. Even the newsstand man with the latest magazines displaying buxom babes exudes a certain warmth, or maybe it’s just me?

The truth is, it is me. It has always been me. Our life experiences are predicated upon our perception of reality. If this be the case, then we must make a conscious effort to continually clean the lenses in which we view our world. We need to seek out truth without judgment in every one, in every situation and especially within ourselves.

11th Annual Link Sister Celebration

11th Annual Link Sister Celebration

Link Up with Love

Every January for the past 11 years, I meet up with my best friends from the Link Sister Circle. We set aside this special time to celebrate ourselves and each other with a girls only get together complete with food, fun and uncensored grown folk conversation! We use this time to draw inward and assess our personal productivity for the past year and focus our minds on our goals for the year ahead. We weigh in on each others progress and lovingly support one another through the joys and pains of personal growth in every area of our lives. It is a wonderful blessing to be in the midst and witness the dialogue that gets our think tanks moving in the right direction.

Hit the ground running but first; Prepare Your Map

Even if you don’t have a room full of friends to help you clean your inner lenses for the new year, you can journal through this process and record your own growth to uncover your best self.  Start by writing down the honest answers to the following questions: (Don’t worry, if you don’t like your answers, this new year gives you plenty of time to work on changing them:)

What did I learn this year?

  • Think about some of the experiences you had throughout the year. Go back from January 2009 until present. What were some of the challenges you faced? Now, looking back on them, extract the overall lesson. What did you learn? About yourself, about others, about life in general.

Have I made progress this year?

  • Have you reached the goals you set at the beginning of last year? If not, have you at least moved forward towards them or are you still in the same place? Jot down the intended goal and the actual results. Now celebrate yourself or pick your face up from the floor. Either way- Let’s move forward!

What is my plan for growth in 2010?

  • Out with the old, in with the new. Make a new action plan. Set some goals to move you forward in every area of your life. (i.e. weight loss, spiritual growth, improved self esteem, save money, exercise, love life, career, family etc.) Map out a step by step plan from beginning to end. Get a calendar and set some dates to hold yourself accountable for completion. Reward yourself along the way as you move one step closer with each check mark on your “to do” list.

Link up with me and post your comments of personal growth and success. I wish you peace and blessings for 2010 on your journey toward light and love.

“Life isn’t about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself.” ~ George Bernard Shaw~


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By sandra
— January 6, 2010 at 9:01 pm

Bald, Bold and Beautiful

Bald

Bald, bold and beautiful!

Bald, bold and beautiful!

I have been living my life as a bald woman for over 6 years now but I honestly do not go outside without my wig that often. One reason I don’t is because in addition to having Alopecia Universalis (complete hair loss on the entire body), I also have a form of Cicatricial Alopecia. Cicatricial (which means scarring) alopecia refers to a group of rare disorders which destroy the hair follicle and replace it with scar tissue, thereby causing permanent hair loss. As a result of this, I have blotchy colored skin on my scalp. In order to create an even tone all over my head, I have to apply make up all over it. This is a time consuming procedure that I only entertain when it is time to wow the crowd. Other than that, I prefer to cover my crown and save myself the expense of buying new foundation every week.

Bold

I recently took a bold step outside of my own comfort zone as a personal challenge. On November 21, 2009, I attended the Radio One Media & Entertainment Conference in Raleigh, North Carolina. It was the place to be for anyone looking to work in any facet of the entertainment industry. The downtown Sheraton hotel was filled with local aspiring artists, record label executives, well known music producers, successful entrepreneurs and keynote speaker, Andre Harrell himself. It was an amazing event and provided everyone with a wealth of valuable information and networking opportunities.

The Bold part of the story, is that I decided to attend this diva-liscious event au natural! I did not wear my wig but I did wear my confidence and determination. It was a wonderful challenge and a great gift to myself to step out a little further and put my money where my mouth is. The reward was priceless. I only stand 5 feet in stature but on this day, I felt 6 feet tall and quite comfortable in my new tall skin.

Beautiful

A line in one of my favorite poems by Marianne Williamson reads like this:

“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same thing.

As we are liberated from our own fears, our very presence, automatically liberates others.”

Part of the reason I decided to go out to an event for an industry that glorifies the carbon copied, barbie doll standard of beauty is because I wanted to make a statement. I decided to let my light shine so that my presence may liberate others. There were some stares as you can imagine as I was the only bald woman in the building but I returned each glance with love.

When you decide to embrace the thing that makes you different, you never know how many people will be inspired to free themselves and do the same thing. Everyone may not come up to you and verbalize how your presence impacts them and you do not need them to. Your assignment is to lead from the front.

During the conference, I went to the ladies room to fix my make up. A woman I shared a mirror with just came out and said, “You are bold!”  I smiled knowingly and said, “I have been told that before but this style is not by choice. I just do what I have to do.” She replied, “Well, I guess I should not complain about the few gray hairs I found on my head this morning huh? ” I said, “Girl, I would kill for a few gray hairs right about now.” We laughed and shared a moment of truth as we looked at our reflections staring back at us in the mirror.

She was beautiful with a few gray hairs and I was beautiful with no hair at all.

Decide to let your light shine today.

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By sandra
— November 30, 2009 at 12:10 am

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month

I recently had the opportunity to speak with Kammie, a friend of my family. We had not spoken for a few months and I was anxious to speak to her and catch up on our lives. She started the conversation by saying, “I wanted to tell you, I just recently had my right breast cut off.”

“Excuse me? Your what?” I said. “What are you talking about?”

“Yeah girl” she said, “I got Breast Cancer.”

Breast Cancer Awareness

It’s not that we are UN-aware, I think that we just never believe that it will actually happen to us. The day you get the news of breast cancer delivered to your door or someone you love, you suddenly move into a new level of consciousness. The reality settles in that tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. Life will bring challenges that can either make you or break you and no one is exempt. Rich, poor, black, white or other, there are circumstances beyond our control that we are all subject to. This month, let us all stand collectively in this battle supporting our sister soldiers on the front line. Let us declare that we will survive, we will stay alive and we will thrive!

Survivor Spotlight

On “The Spotlight is On YOU” page, I did a one on one interview with my friend Kammie. She graciously shared the details of her experience with me as she is still living through it as we speak. After talking with this warrior princess I was informed, inspired and motivated  to pay closer attention to my own breast health and to do my part in educating others.  Be sure to read her remarkable story and take note to a few facts about breast cancer we all need to know:

Breast Cancer Facts

Did you know?

  • Breast cancer is a type of cancer where cells in the breast divide and grow without normal control. About 85 percent of breast cancers begin in the mammary ducts.
  • One in eight women will develop breast cancer in their lifetime.
  • Breast cancer is the most common cancer found in women, other than skin cancer.
  • Doctors don’t know what causes breast cancer. Some women carry genetic mutations that increase their risk of developing breast cancer. Most women who develop breast cancer have no risk factors other than the fact that they are women.
  • Only five to ten percent of all breast cancer cases are actually hereditary.
  • Breast cancer is the most common cancer among African American women. It is also the second leading cause of cancer death among African American women, exceeded only by lung cancer.
  • According to the American Cancer Society, the overall five-year survival rate for localized breast cancer is 98%. The survival rate for breast cancer that has spread to the chest wall or lymph nodes is in the 80% range, and at least a quarter of breast cancer patients with metastatic disease survive five years or more.

Signs and symptoms of breast cancer:

  • A breast lump or thickening that feels different from the surrounding tissue
  • Bloody discharge from the nipple
  • Change in the size or shape of a breast
  • Changes to the skin over the breast, such as dimpling
  • Inverted nipple
  • Peeling or flaking of the nipple skin
  • Redness or pitting of the skin over your breast, like the skin of an orange

Tips for lowering the likelihood of developing breast cancer

Early detection is the best way to find breast cancer in its earliest, most curable stages. This is why it is so important to perform regular self breast exams, have an annual mammogram and also the following:

  • Doctors recommend following a healthful diet: eat a variety of fruits and vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins;
  • Limited intake of alcoholic beverages
  • Appropriate total calories to achieve and maintain a healthy weight
  • Engage in regular exercise. It helps to achieve and maintain ideal body weight and is likely to reduce the risk of breast cancer.

Find a way to do your part and get in the fight for a cure to breast cancer. Here is a list of some organizations that you can partner with to get you started and I will look for you on the battlefield!

Susan G. Komen

Breast Cancer.Org

Avon walk for Breast Cancer

National Cancer Institute

Facts Referenced from:

Mayo clinic, Susan G. Komen  & National Cancer Institute websites

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By sandra
— October 8, 2009 at 7:31 pm

The Birth of the Alopecia Community of the Triangle

Happy Birthday A.C.T!

The day A.C.T was born

The 1st A.C.T Meeting

On Thursday, September 10, 2009, The Alopecia Community of the Triangle (A.C.T.) met for our very first meeting.  It was a wonderful event that will be recorded as the birth date of a long and prosperous history now in the making. It is an amazing feeling when you can see a vision come into reality. The process of giving birth to it may present challenges but the joy of the delivery and the ability to watch it grow makes it all worthwhile!

9-10-09  Rewind and Review

I am grateful for every heart that attended our very first meeting. There were several people who expressed interest in attending but due to schedule conflicts etc., there were some last minute cancellations that left us with a modest attendance of 5 amazing women. Our children played in the gym so that we could indulge in uninterrupted, stimulating adult conversation. It was a perfect start to some beautiful friendships and we sat together talking, sharing our stories and eating birthday cake. Yum!

I reviewed in detail the mission, vision &  goals for A.C.T. and each one of us left with our hearts and bellies full. We were filled with  anticipation for the next time we will come together, knowing that the attendance will increase every time we meet. I don’t despise humble beginnings, I embrace them, and as we grow, it will only lend itself to be a more compelling testimony. Now I can confidently  say, that we are off to a great start!

What’s up next?

Our next meeting is scheduled for Thursday, October 15, 2009. There is a standing open invitation for anyone who is impacted by hair loss to join us. If you have any form of Alopecia Areata, hair loss due to chemotherapy, illness, genetics or otherwise,  you are more than welcome to partner with us and get the support you need. Please RSVP due to limited seating and to allow for planning in advance. RSVP by e-mail to Sandra@ AlopeciaCommunity.org or by phone at 919-610-5420.

For more information, visit our website: www.AlopeciaCommunity.org

  • October 15th- 2nd ACT Meeting @ Apex Community Center 7:15 PM
  • November 12th- 3rd ACT Meeting @ Apex Community Center 7:15 PM
  • December- In lieu of a regular monthly meeting we will have a Holiday Dinner Party for members & guests only/Date and location TBD

*Live entertainment (Christmas carols performed by Sandra Dubose-Gibson AND friends)

*Raffle for a special door prize to a lucky winner!

Tentative: Holiday Parade- A.C.T. will participate in a parade and attendees will ride on a float to promote Alopecia Awareness

  • January 2010- Meeting date and location TBD

*Save the date/ Weekend of January 23rd - Luncheon for women with “Bald Girls Do Lunch”

Learn more about this organization at:  www.baldgirlsdolunch.org

I look forward to seeing your face in the place at our next meeting.

The Alopecia Community of the Triangle. Discovering true beauty from the inside-out!

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By sandra
— September 16, 2009 at 11:23 pm

Alopecia Community of the Triangle (A.C.T) – Raleigh, NC

About this Alopecia Support Group (A.C.T) ACT Logo2

The Alopecia Community of the Triangle was created to bring the alopecia (hair loss) community together in and around the Raleigh, North Carolina area.  A.C.T offers support, a safe environment to share and a place to be empowered. You will be given the tools you need to build your self confidence and the opportunity to build relationships with others who can personally relate to your experience.  We offer free empowerment workshops and small group sessions for each age group to meet the needs of each participant.

Whether you are struggling with Alopecia or in a place of acceptance and regained confidence, there is a purpose for you here. Together we can help each other turn what was negative into a positive. We seek out opportunities to be “change agents” in our community by participating in activities that help others while promoting Alopecia Awareness.

Mission Statement

A.C.T. is a unified body of diverse individuals impacted by Alopecia personally or through someone we love. We have joined together to provide emotional support, a  safe place for sharing and improve self confidence. Anyone living with Alopecia Areata, hair loss due to chemotherapy, illness or otherwise is welcome to join regardless of race, gender or age. We will foster authentic self esteem by participating in community activities that help others while promoting Alopecia awareness in our community.

A.C.T. Groups

General meetings will often be separated into subgroups by age range, to ensure the conversation content focuses on the needs and concerns of that specific group. This is an example of categories for potential subgroups:

  1. Women 21+ up- Adult women only
  2. Men 21+ up- Adult men only
  3. Teen/Young Adults- Teens connect with other teens and talk about issues like dating, individuality and the challenges of being different.
  4. Elementary/Middle School Age- Young children can choose to sit in a group session and talk or spend time bonding together in a supervised play date in the gym.
  5. Parents of children with Alopecia- Parents can share resources, offer support and parenting advice on how to manage their emotions while meeting the needs of their child.
  6. Family/loved ones- Spouses and family members have an opportunity to share their experience and learn ways to support the ones they love with Alopecia.

Meeting Agenda for Thursday, September 10, 2009

7:15-7:30 PM Arrival, sign in and refreshments

7:30- 8:30 pm General Meeting

  • Introductions
  • Ice Breaker
  • Kids can be dismissed to go to the gym/game room (optional)
  • Sharing- open session

8:30- 8:45 pm closing words of inspiration from Sandra Dubose-Gibson, President of A.C.T.

  • Announcements  & Good byes
  • Next meeting October 15, 2009 7:15-8:45 PM

Apex Community Center

53 Hunter Street

Apex, N.C. 27502-2312

Call the center at 919-249-3402 for driving directions
Limited Seating- Must RSVP to Sandra@AlopeciaCommunity.org
For more information visit: www.AlopeciaCommunity.org

The Alopecia Community of the Triangle, discovering true beauty from the inside-out!

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By sandra
— September 1, 2009 at 10:32 pm

Alopecia Awareness Month

What is Alopecia Awareness Month?

Alopecia Awareness Month is held in September and is the month dedicated to spreading awareness of the autoimmune disease Alopecia Areata. This disease affects over 5 million people in the United States alone. Many organizations and individuals like myself  utilize this time to join together and support those that are challenged by this disease to impact and empower the Alopecia community and foster greater public sensitivity through education.

Why is Alopecia Awareness Month important?

When faced with any ailment that cause changes to your self image, I believe that the the most effective medicine is to take the focus off of yourself. Instead of having pity parties about the problem, channel that energy in the direction of a solution. If you do not fight for yourself and the causes that impact you, then who will?  Alopecia Awareness Month is the perfect time to jump start your own healing by taking an active stand and getting involved in something greater than yourself. The effort you put forth today, can make a world of a difference in the lives of many.

What can you do to support Alopecia Awareness Month?

Whether you have Alopecia, or just know someone who does, you are a perfect candidate to get in the fight. Here are some ideas of things you can do:

  • Make a tax free donation to organizations like NAAF to support the work they are doing for the Alopecia Community.
  • If you can, donate hair to locks of love that provides hair pieces to financially disadvantaged children in the US and Canada .
  • You can start, support or even join a support group in your area for people living with Alopecia.

There is always work to do but the laborers are few. This month, consider taking an action that will be a blessing to you and everyone around you.

In the spirit of Alopecia Awareness Month, I have decided to organize a group for Alopecians in my neck of the woods. If you reside in or around the Raleigh, North Carolina area and you are looking for a safe and empowering place to share with people who care, I cordially invite you to join us at the Alopecia Community of the Triangle.

Join the fun as we celebrate self empowerment at the very 1st meeting for the……………

“Alopecia Community of the Triangle”

A.C.T. is a unified body of diverse individuals. We have joined together to offer support, provide a safe place for growth, healing and to bolster self esteem for ALL people living with Alopecia Areata, hair loss due to chemotherapy, illness or otherwise. Our goal is to transform a negative experience into a positive one by using it to impact our communities, and empower ourselves as well as others while promoting Alopecia Awareness.

RSVP Today to Sandra@MyAlopeciaExperience.com or call 919-610-5420

To attend the Kick off Celebration!

When: Thursday, September 10, 2009

Time: 7:15 PM- 8:45 PM

Where: Apex Community Center

53 Hunter Street

Apex, NC 27502-2312

Light refreshments will be served.

  • Adult supervised childcare will be made available for school age children if needed.

A one day guest pass MUST be purchased for $5 at the front desk of the community center to allow your child to play in the gymnasium. Free access to the game room is also available on site.

  • Please RSVP to confirm your attendance ASAP. Include the number of people you are bringing and communicate your childcare needs to allow for planning in advance.
  • Call Apex Community Center at 919-249-3402 if you need driving directions.

We look forward to embarking on this new and exciting journey with YOU!

Feel free to post your RSVP here if you plan to attend the kick off celebration.

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By sandra
— August 22, 2009 at 1:08 pm

An Inspirational Poem for women; phenomenal women

“I found myself in an inspirational poem. For women like me, phenomenally.”

This week I decided to share an inspirational poem, for women and young girls that will one day grow up to be women. What does a phenomenal woman look like? Is it a physical attribute? Or is it something that comes from the core of who we really are inside? Websters dictionary defines phenomenal as an extraordinary person or thing. Here is a question for you to ponder: Are you living up to your extraordinary potential? Are you a phenomenal woman?

When I need a little encouragement, I go to my elders or sometimes I find it in an inspirational poem, for women.

The words in this poem capture the truth about the way we all need to feel and think about ourselves and acknowledge in others. It is a gentle reminder and a confidence booster when we lose focus. I hold these words dear to my heart as a source of clarity when my mirror of self gets foggy. There are days when I get caught up and frustrated with what I consider to be  my outward imperfections and I start to measure myself with a broken ruler. I keep this poem in my arsenal of weapons and I fight the good fight with these truths that I have extracted from this poem:

  • True beauty comes from a sacred place of spirit within that no one can touch. It is indeed a mystery that leaves those that love you wondering, “what is that indescribable, untouchable thing about you that makes me love you so much?!”
  • You may not look like the typical carbon copied cover of a magazine but neither do the models in reality. Superimposed pictures of barbie dolls are not to be compared to the real essence of your beauty. They can’t figure out how you do it. You are an original. Often imitated, never duplicated!
  • You don’t ever have to pretend to be something your not or put on a show. Your grace and style exude everywhere you go. Even when you are silent, your presence is just that powerful.

Those are just a few points that I take away from the remarkable words of Dr. Maya Angelou. I hope that you will be fed from her well of wisdom today. Don’t let anything or anyone dim the fire in your eyes. Let your light shine for the world to see, the phenomenal woman in you and me!

This youtube video clip is taken from an amazing performance of  the poem “Phenomenal Women” being recited by the one and only Dr. Maya Angelou. This lovely dancer does an interpretive dance creatively using her body to express the emotions that are invoked through these powerful words. Enjoy!

Phenomenal Woman by: Dr. Maya Angelou

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I always look forward to hearing from you so write in and post your favorite inspirational poem for women. Be sure to cite the author or feel free to share an original copy written piece.

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By sandra
— August 10, 2009 at 9:48 pm

Self Esteem: How long do you intend to play “The Blame Game?”

“Self esteem is a personal issue. No one can give that to you. No one can take that from you. It’s yours and you own it!”

How often do we look at our current state of being and feel the need to justify it by listing all of the negative and unpleasant experiences we have had in our lives? While it is true that our beliefs are directly impacted by our upbringing, our environment, culture, race and religious beliefs, we decide where the past ends and the future begins.

“It’s not where you’re from; it’s where you’re at!” ~RAKIM

We are responsible to own our destiny once we reach adulthood despite the challenges we may have faced as a child. The time will come when blaming Mom, Dad and any unfortunate series of events will no longer suffice. We have to accept the truth that it is not where we come from or where we have been BUT what is most important, is WHERE we are going. That is a decision we all have to make.

We can’t change our past, whether it was good or bad. We can’t pick our parents or our families. If we have been victims of abuse, sufferers of disease or survivors of accidents, we inevitably must deal the hand of cards that we have been dealt and play our best hand at life in spite of it all.

Be a Lion!“No matter what anybody says’, what matters most is what you think of yourself.” ~INDIA ARIE

Whenever we are ready, we can decide to drive our lives in the direction we would like it to go. What YOU think about you HAS TO BE more important, than what anyone else thinks. As long as you believe the best about yourself, no one can stand in your way.  This single factor separates the leaders from the followers, the women from the girls, and the greatest from the good.

Self love is a process and a road that we must all travel on our own. No one can do it for you and once you attain it, no one can take it from you. If you are lacking in this area and you are ready to grow, here are just a few steps to get you started in the right direction:

Ingredients for healthy Self Esteem:

  • Rid yourself of any “Stinking Thinking” and replenish your mind with positive affirmations.
  • Surround yourself with progressive and loving people that add to your life instead of draining your energy.
  • Begin to purge your life of toxic behaviors, thoughts and people. Do a new thing and get new results. Step out of your box.
  • Don’t be afraid to love people from afar. That includes your family members if they are hindering your healing process. It is okay and necessary to be selective about whom you let in your inner circle. Quantity is not necessarily quality.
  • Be gentle with yourself because it takes time to unlearn behaviors and ideas that you have had for many years. Having a painful past or experience causes emotional scars and they take time to heal.

Food for thought:

Write in and share your ingredients for healthy self esteem.

Penny for your thoughts! Write in and share your ingredients for healthy self esteem.

As you go forth, trust that the universe will provide you with whom and what you need at the just the right time to assist you. Envision yourself as Dorothy walking along the yellow brick road. Know that there will be wisdom. There will be courage. There will be love. Open up your heart to receive it and then open your hands to give it away. Love is never in short supply.  It regenerates. As you give it, it multiplies. Abundant life begins with loving yourself and self esteem is the main ingredient to true success. No one ever wins the blame game, so switch gears and let’s travel down this high road together.

I would love to hear from you so write in and leave your comments and personal tips for maintaining a healthy self esteem.

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By sandra
— July 30, 2009 at 1:22 pm

The Sex Talk: Breaking the Silence and a Generational Curse

“If you don’t tell your kids about sex, somebody else will!”

My baby girl, my mini me
My baby girl, my Angel Face

I had “The Talk” with my eleven year old daughter today. My first born child. I did not want to, but I knew it was a necessary evil. I wish I could preserve her innocence for many years to come. She is still a baby; my baby. Why should I have to take away her innocence at such a tender age? Ideally, her life should be about easy bake ovens, double dutch and hide and go seek for at least a few more years to come. In a perfect world that is, but not the one we live in today.

Instead I introduced her to the world of STD’s, heartbreak and teenage pregnancy. Her angelic face was so uncomfortable. She didn’t understand why she had to be subjected to such images and facts of life? “Mommy that is disgusting”, she said. “I’m never going to do that.” I wish I could hold her to those words until her wedding day.

Knowledge is power, not permission.

As she moves into the sixth grade in just a few months, I know that I would be doing her a great disservice if I did not forewarn her of the writing that would soon appear upon the bathroom walls. The 8th grade male predators sniffing out her ignorance and innate need to have her very first romantic kiss that makes her foot pop just as it did for the princess in all of the Disney movies she watches.

How could I explain to her in eleven year old terms that Men are from Mars and women are absolutely from Venus? Since she is a big fan of the television shows that come on Animal Planet, I decided to explain the relationship between men and women as the analogy of a lion hunting deer. Unfortunately, I did not have any pleasant childhood memories of male/female relationships that would make me feel any differently. Maybe if I understood that for boys it was all a game, I would not have lost time and time again. Maybe, or maybe not.

Once you give your virginity away, you cannot get it back.

She understood the animal analogy well and was immediately excited about the thrill of outsmarting her rivals when the time came to tell them “NO”. She had the inside scoop on the opposing teams’ strategy and felt confident about her ability to win.  I explained to her that the hunt was not personal and it had nothing to do with her worth. It was simply a natural instinct for boys and it does not change until they mature….If and when they mature. I affirmed her beauty, intelligence and value over and over again like a mantra. Her sacred body, mind and soul, and the priceless gift of virginity was not to be given away for collection like a trophy on someone’s shelf. She is indeed special and the only one of her kind. I told her that I can give her the information but at the end of the day, she is the one who has to make the decisions. Once her virginity is gone, it can never be returned so there is no room for mistakes- only regrets.

The truth and nothing but the truth, even when it hurts.

I had been preparing mentally for this day for several months now. I felt confident and in control of the conversation until she asked me the question that caught me off guard. “Did Grandma have this same talk with you?” I paused and held back my tears reliving my truth in that moment. I confessed that as much as my mother loved me, she was raised in a different era. It was a time when conversations with children about sex were taboo and the consensus was, “you just better not do IT!” She did not tell me about sex, love or heartbreak. She did tell me not to “get fooled” by those little boys but I could have benefited from a bit more specific information. She asked in innocent amazement, “So how did you find out about all of this stuff Mommy?”

“The hard way, baby…… I found out the hard way.”

Food For Thought:

Our childhood experience’s play a pivotal role in shaping our self esteem and confidence even up to adulthood. Maybe we did not get everything we  needed from the person we thought should give it to us, but we cannot allow that to stop us from being all we can for own children. As parents, we must learn to push past our own issues and do our best to give our children what we know they need. By educating our children, we arm them with the weapons they need to be protected from manipulation and self assured. When we create a new experience and break the cycle, we free ourselves and give them a priceless gift; the gift of Self Esteem.

Write in with your thoughts on “talking to your kids about sex” and share your pearls of wisdom.

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Categories: My Life.

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By sandra
— July 22, 2009 at 11:46 pm